I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
