Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
