you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
