now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
