there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
