We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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