and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
