i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
