i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
