Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
