I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
