I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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