I heard we made out
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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