This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Randomize
