Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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