And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
