i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Randomize
