i already hear my dad disowning me
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
