So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Michael Bay diarrhea
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
