you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I have feelings that need drinking.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
