Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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