A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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