I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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