so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
