How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
