I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
