Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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