I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
