I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
thus making me awesome and them whores
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
