i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
