my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
