I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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