Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
