If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
So much Jack, so little girl.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
