I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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