and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
