Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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