just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
