Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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