Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
