Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Congratulations! We have a period
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