I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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