i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
