I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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