I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
only if we run a train.
done.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
