Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
