I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
