I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
