Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
