my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
How external is "for external use only"?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
