How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
