the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
