guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
