It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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